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Trust After An Affair - Surviving Infidelity In Marriage
When the affair partner is a co-worker, the contact must be strictly business, and necessary or unplanned encounters must be shared with the spouse in order to rebuild trust. Holding on to the angry pain is a significant obstacle to mature love. He or she may need to come down from the pedestal, drop the saint or martyr role, move past the anger and hurt, and, often, hardest of all, be willing to examine his or her role in the underlying marriage problems. However in this type of affair, the emotional attachment goes deeper than a friendship. The person who had the affair must learn to tolerate distrust by the partner and not become self-righteous or indignant. The therapist must take into consideration that sometimes relief is the dominant feeling on the part of the involved, or even the betrayed, partner. Despite our idealistic notions of having only one true love, it is possible to experience intense romantic love for multiple people at the same time. They are less obvious ways for us to be unfaithful than by committing adultery. If the couple have children, it is of extreme importance that the couple tries first to resurrect the marriage before they plan a separation. He is a great husband and father but, when the opportunity arises for Andy to "get a little on the side" he takes advantage of the opportunity. They then act out their disappointment by having an affair. Affair relationships, like any other relationship, do not follow a consistent pattern. Unlike the falling-in-love stage that characterizes the inception of most marriages, this mature love is based on realistic expectations, knowledge and caring for each other. In virtually every relationship no matter how bad, there remains some good. While it is may be premature for the betrayed person to forgive, the goals of forgiveness and letting go should be introduced at this stage.
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